Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Diamond Arm (1968)



After a hundred viewings, do predictable gags in Revenge of Return of Pink Panther Strikes Again become endearing?

When they are done in Russian do they become great art?

Is a Steve Martin remake really necessary?

Was Steve Martin ever funny?

Was Robin Williams ever funny?

Is Good Morning Vietnam any better than Patch Adams or are they the same film?

Isn't surrealist comedy at its best on television?

Watching Brady Bunch reruns on a black and white box in the late 80s before it was a joke?

A Saturday evening PBS rebroadcast of Lawrence Welk on every screen of a Lakeland, Florida nursing home hosted by the accordionist maestro himself from a golf cart at his Escondido resort?

Green Acres: truly an absurdist cry from the peak of 1960s carnage to our moment in the voice of Reverend Lowery: "When tanks will be beaten into tractors?"

Friday, January 16, 2009

Vengeance is Mine (1979)



Last summer I bought a pair of black flip-flops.

A few days after my purchase, the bus stopped suddenly, and as I fell forward, the force of my right foot pulled the middle strap from its hole. I pushed it back in but had to walk very carefully to prevent the strap from pulling out again because the rubber sole had a tear where the knob punched through. The more I walked, the more frequently it fell apart until I had to limp with one foot bare home.

In my apartment, I tried to repair the tear by sticking a wad of duct tape into it. For a four block trip to the grocery store this seemed to work, but on the way back, as I ran across Colfax, flip-flop flew off.

Next I stretched a wide strip of tape over the opening in the outsole, thinking the knob would stick to it. Cautiously I crept toward the library, gaining confidence with each step, but soon enough, my confidence collapsed.

What about adding a staple? One from the top and one from the bottom, I snapped them through squishy shaft. For several weeks I went boldly forward, a little metal pinch in the ball of my toe an adaptable irritant, my only precaution not venturing beyond a mile from home.

One day, without warning, the grip slips, plug from socket.

Final plan, last chance: duct tape sandwich. Scrub sole clean to prepare for solid binding. Make slice in small piece of tape and press plug through, tacky surface down. Place two large pieces, tacky surface up, wide enough to cover downward facing piece and attach to surrounding sole. Add a couple staples for extra security.

Silver vinyl folding, bunching, sliding exposes flap like a bothersome long toenail that I clip. Months later, a clump of sand-straw-clay, the surface of a Saskatchewan sod hut, has formed a seemingly unbreakable glue.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Cyclist (1987)


In January 1998, Le Nouvel Observateur asked former National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski whether he regretted funding Afghan rebels--future Taliban--priming the Soviets for a disastrous invasion.

His answer: Regretter quoi? Cette opération secrète était une excellente idée. Elle a eu pour effet d'attirer les Russes dans le piège afghan et vous voulez que je le regrette ? Le jour où les Soviétiques ont officiellement franchi la frontière, j'ai écrit au président Carter, en substance : “Nous avons maintenant l'occasion de donner à l'URSS sa guerre du Vietnam.” De fait, Moscou a dû mener pendant presque dix ans une guerre insupportable pour le régime, un conflit qui a entraîné la démoralisation et finalement l'éclatement de l'empire soviétique.

Asked about this response in Our Own Private Bin Laden Brzezinski affirms, "Compared to the Soviet Union and to its collapse, the Taliban were unimportant."

Must toothpicks pin open eyes, buckets of water dowse hand slapped cheeks for us to see Afghans as toys in circular colonial death games?

We are weary. Comfort us with laughter at Carell's 40-year-old bicyclist. Confirm our normalcy in the toxic shadowed mist of motordom's profligacy.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Revolutionary Road (2008)


Not quite Sirk-Fassbinder-Haynes but, to paraphrase Babe, "It'll do pig. It'll do."

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Los Tres Huastecos (1948)



PADRE
No juegues, está amartillada, puede estar cargada.
HIJA
Está. Defiéndete.
PADRE
No me apuntes, dámela.
HIJA
Quitamela, si eres macho.
(she shoots)
PADRE
¡Hija!
HIJA
¡Waaaah!
PADRE
¿Porque lloras, es porque te asustaste?
HIJA
(crying)
No, porque no te di.
Exactly. Let the tears fly at the failure to gun down sexual discipline smacked upon girls--humiliation through chivalry's bloated subterfuge.

As in the Roman soldiers' rape of Sabine women, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, favorite film of grandmother (who always wore dresses), brutes stuff girls in burlap sacks for pacification via Stockholm syndrome to delightful tunes and synchronized handstand log fence vaulting.

Lust, Caution's lesson to uppity young women: suffer penetration 'til your insides scream, be rewarded with one heckuva big shiny rock--preferably pink.